Saturday, March 17, 2012


Every one of us has a mask. Mask that we use to hide true self, emotions and feelings. When we are outside of our house, we often wear the ‘Happy’ mask, something that will lighten our aura for the whole day. Other people do not have an idea for what does that mask is hiding? What self, emotions and feelings can be found behind that mask? Some of us do not dare to explore these things because we have the possibility of having wrong assumptions.

I, myself, wear masks. I admit it. When I’m at school or other places, I wear the mask of courage, happiness, kindness, or anything that will make me feel better. Something that people will be happy for me. Some things that will make me feel confident enough to face the challenges that await me. But when I’m at home, I do not know what kind of mask I wear. I think I do not wear mask. That is why I became clumsy, irresponsible, impatient, impulsive and someone who can trigger the ‘world war III’. Why do I wear mask? Well, I think I cannot be clumsy, irresponsible, and impatient and will trigger world war III outside so I better yet be someone who can put things together.

However, masks do have holes. Holes that will somewhat show your true self. As for me, my mask has many holes. My holes are already mentioned above and these things hurt me so much. I always control myself not to become clumsy, irresponsible, impatient and impulsive but there are things that put me into failure. These obstacles in controlling my negative side give me burden. My parents become disappointed and mad at me because I failed to do things right. Yes, I do become great at school but when it comes to our family, I somehow become a failure. This gives me a feeling that I am happier at school than my house. Every weekend, there is no time that my parents will not be angry towards me. I feel that I often give them heart ache, someone who kept them disappointed and can shorten their life span. These things scratched my mask and somewhat add another hole. But then, I’m always do my best to fix things, there are just events and situations that is very uncontrollable.

Some people say, “Just be yourself”. Well I do not know what my real self is. I thought I knew. But when I reflect, I do things differently. I am different at school and at home. I think I’m a total disaster at home and an achiever at school. Now that I just said these things, I will try to know who I really am. And I pray to God that I can be able to find it before it is too late. Maybe you might give me a clue, haha!.

P.S. I do not put my parents into blame. I am not giving them a bad image. I think I have always the problem and not them.

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